Good news! You do not actually need to fake your death in order to start a new life on a tropical island.
Once you have cleared your celebratory confetti out of your eyebrows, let’s go over the many ways you can change your identity in the time-honored tradition of New Year’s.
- The Extreme Exodus
If you move to a new place where nobody knows you, you can reveal as little about yourself as you please.
You can join new clubs, listen to new bands, and join a bowling league with a brand new nickname emblazoned on your team shirt. Your new coworkers might be intrigued by your mysterious past, or you can get creative using the backstory of a lesser-known fictional character. You can be honest about youself without revealing every last detail that your former peers knew.
The Pros: You can start a new life without faking your death. You will be able to start fresh and build a new identity. You get to wipe your social media clean or start new accounts. You can donate most of your current wardrobe and keep just a capsule wardrobe as a fashionable and eco-conscious newcomer to your chosen destination.
The Cons: You will have to un-tag yourself in a lot of social media posts to achieve anonymity in your new town. Depending on your new home, you may need to get rid a lot of your belongings.
Where to go: At least 3 hours of travelling distance from your current location, if not 3 states away. You don’t want to bump into any former acquaintances who will ask questions about your new nickname and hairdo. Think long and hard about where your friends and family are known to travel. Is it worth the risk living near that skiing resort in Colorado? Maybe a desert town will be desolate enough to avoid crossing paths, but then you could stand out as a newcomer. These vacation-worthy destinations are welcoming remote workers. Moving to another country will require a passport and visa with your current name, so plan accordingly.
1a. Aliases
Nicknames have already been mentioned. Do not force an unconvicing nickname like “Rocky” or “Flamingo” unless you bear a striking physical resemblance to the moniker. You can always legally change your name, but you have to tell all sorts of employers and officials about this change as you get the paperwork filed. Have a speedy and efficient getaway planned if you want to avoid any awkward questions, but make sure to follow all laws and regulations.
2. The Quick-Change Artist
This is a more common transformation observed throughout 2020-2021 as lockdown or quarantine boredom induced swathes of the population to dramatically change their physical appearances. You can change up your clothing style, hair color or style, accent, or even eye color if you are brave enough to wear contacts. (I am not. Good luck to you and your corneas.) With enough time and practice, you can effectively change your physical appearance to look like a video game character. They say to dress for the job you want, right?
The Pros: These are semi-permanent and easily reversed changes. It is fun and harmless unless you badly mess up while cutting your hair. The hair will grow back fairly quickly should you regret your decision, and you have lots of hat options in the meantime. You can experiment with fashion and get thrifted clothes, possibly learning valuable tailoring skills along the way.
The Cons: Hair dye can easily become face-and-hands dye, so wear gloves and be careful. Also, this could get expensive if you get carried away or if you need a professional to rescue your hair.
Things to Try: The least permanent hair option would be new hairstyles and hair chalk that washes out. Next up, a nice trim. Then…if you are confident in your choice, go for the haircut! Do make sure to look at examples and tutorials to confirm that your goal haircut works for your face shape. For clothes, I recommend upcycling and thrifting clothes unless there’s a specific item like a morph suit that you need to successfully greenscreen yourself like a chameleon.
3. The Apprentice
Get into a new hobby. Change up your routines and environment. Try following online dance tutorials, or yoga, but maybe not tap dancing if the clattering shoes will bother people nearby. (There are tutorials easily available online though!) Make something with your hands and set it on a shelf. Look at that thing you made! Learn a new recipe or invent your own. Maybe you’ll learn about chemistry while you’re at it! You can make things for your friends and neighbors and feel very self-reliant and accomplished as you gaze upon your table full of crafts and food. You don’t have to become an expert by any means. Actually, I think your real goal should be to learn and just have fun rather than focusing on having a productive or profitable skill.
The Pros: You will learn and make new things! You can cover upcoming holiday or birthday gift-giving with hobbies like candle-making, painting, drawing, and of course baking. You might discover a new talent or pasttime. There are all sorts of helpful tutorials and ideas for you to try out. You might achieve giving yourself a new reputation thanks to your nifty new hobby.
The Cons: If a particular hobby turns out to not be your thing, you might have a small pile of supplies left over that you no longer need. You can always pass these on to a friend or donate them, though.
Things to Try: Painting, drawing, candle-making, knitting, new video games, yoga, martial arts, learn the Charleston, tap-dancing, musical instruments or new vocal singing styles, paper quilling, card tricks, homemade icecream, cooking of all kinds, and biscuits or bread products in particular.
Change is Inevitable
If you don’t have any grand plans for the new year, that is totally fine. I went over the top in my silly identity-changing suggestions to illustrate how hardcore resolution-makers can seem like they are planning on closing the door on their “old life” just to coordinate with their new wall calendar. Monthly, smaller goals for better habits and self-improvement are more realistically attainable. I remember hearing in 7th grade that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so any time you want to make a change is a great time to do so. It doesn’t have to be a headlong sprint towards an impossible standard. Since things will inevitably change with the passage of time, you might as well pick a direction to drift.
Sarah Turek Productions 